Today Donald Trump is headed to Mexico City to meet with President Peña Nieto. Trump plans on offering him a clear solution to border control, and Nieto plans on offering him a glass of tap water.
Monthly Archives: August 2016
O Say Can You Sit
Quarterback Colin Kaepernick says he will continue to sit during the national anthem in protest of racial injustice in America. Being that Kaepernick’s parents were mixed-race, coach Kelly has asked Colin if he would compromise by standing on one leg.
Family Portrait
Former congressman Anthony Wiener was caught yet again sexting photos of himself in his underwear, but this time his 4-year-old son was also in the picture. Weiner tried to capture some solo shots, but his kid couldn’t hold the camera steady.
White Noise
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are so busy calling each other “racist” and “bigot” that they both forgot to RSVP David Duke for his dinner party this Saturday night.
SPF 1000
I couldn’t get any work done today with all the burkinis out by the pool.
Them’s Fightin’ Words
U.S. Soccer suspended goalkeeper Hope Solo for 6 months after calling the Swedish team “a bunch of cowards.” Despite this display of poor sportsmanship, she’s already lined up a job as Donald Trump’s new campaign manager.
What’s in Your Wallet
Ramen noodles have displaced tobacco as the most popular currency among prison inmates. For example, it now costs 3 packs of ramen to stop your cellmate from raping you (previously valued at 2 packs of cigarettes.)
Lousy Pricks
The price of the allergy injection EpiPen has inflated 400%, just like my cheeks if I accidentally eat shellfish.
Out of the Pool
Ryan Lochte lost his Speedo endorsement as a result of his bad behavior in Rio last week.
The swimsuit company no longer wishes to cover his ass.
Where the Boys Are
Lou Pearlman, creator of ‘NSync and the Backstreet Boys, has died in prison. His list of crimes was long – Ponzi schemes, money laundering, conspiracy and fraud, but worst of all, creating ‘NSync and the Backstreet Boys.