The Florida Wildlife Commision captured 106 Burmese pythons in order to raise awareness of this invasive species. But honestly, one only needs to look at Senator Marco Rubio to realize that Florida has a snake problem.
Monthly Archives: February 2016
His Best Work
Jennifer Garner says she knew nothing about her ex-husband Ben Affleck’s fling with their nanny until after their divorce was final. So to those of you who think Ben is a lousy actor, think again.
Mature for his Age
In Harrisburg, PA., a 23-year-old Ukrainian man was discovered posing as a high school student since 2012. He will certainly be facing jail time, but with good behavior they may let him out in time for the prom.
For the Greater Good
The best part about being single is at the end of the day, I’ve usually only disappointed myself.
Stay Thirsty, You A-holes
Dos Equis spokesman “the Most Interesting Man in the World” is being sued by his talent agency. They are demanding that he pay them 2 million dollars, plus interest.
Show Off
This morning Hilary Clinton visited the set of ABC’s television drama “Scandal.” Not to be outdone, this Sunday Bernie Sanders will guest star as a rotting corpse on AMC’s “The Walking Dead.”
The Lights Went Out in Massachusetts
Today in Springfield, MA., Camille Cosby will be answering questions by 7 women accusing her husband of sexual assault. Camille is understandably very nervous, so Bill gave her something to help her relax.
Bad Apple
Donald Trump is now telling consumers to boycott Apple products. At first I didn’t want to turn off my iPhone, but to my pleasant surprise it has reduced my exposure to his ridiculous tweets.
Saved by the Shell
University of Texas students will soon be allowed to carry handguns into the classroom. Because not only will it make campus safer, it will provide the student with some bargaining power when trying to change that D+ to a C-.
Let ‘Em In
A German short-haired pointer named CJ won “Best in Show” at the Westminster dog show last night. And to everyone’s disbelief, Paul McCartney’s English sheepdog Martha was turned away at the after-party.