My sister asked me to take my 4-year-old niece to see Finding Dory last weekend, but I don’t like going out to the theaters anymore. So we stayed in and watched Blackfish.
Monthly Archives: June 2016
Track and Heeled
Sports Illustrated magazine is celebrating the 40th anniversary of Caitlyn Jenner winning the decathlon, so I’m officially done listening to women complain about what they can and can’t do in heels.
Regular Guest
Chipotle is starting a loyalty program in order to woo back their customers. If you eat there more than four times in one month, they’ll pay for your diapers.
Put It All On Red
Yesterday the Cincinnati Reds honored baseball great and ex-gambler Pete Rose by retiring his jersey, making it the second time in his career that he lost his shirt.
Pound Foolish
The British are in such a state of shock over Brexit that even their teeth are scared straight.
We’re All Gonna Pay For It
I always thought “brexit” was when you skipped out on brunch without paying the bill. Turns out it’s a lot more racist than that.
The Big Reveal
Pop singer Sia accidentally showed her face during a concert in Colorado last Wednesday, while I purposely showed my ass at a Trump rally last Thursday.
An Idiot Abroad
Donald Trump gave a press conference at his new golf course in Scotland. The Scottish people haven’t had to listen to this much hollow and racist rhetoric since Mel Gibson was there filming Braveheart.
Draggin’ Wagon
I hate the security wheel locks on the shopping carts at Publix. It makes it really hard to get my groceries into my apartment.
Purple People Eater
A young girl got stuck in the head of a Barney the Dinosaur costume and needed the help of firefighters to dislodge her. After almost an hour, they were able to free the girl. Meanwhile, four houses burned down.