I’m currently enrolled in a self-help program on how to be more authentic. I highly recommend it. They’re teaching me all the tricks.
Category Archives: lifestyles
Sticky Fingers
I noticed this beautiful woman on the beach tonight when suddenly a firecracker blew up in her hand. She wouldn’t give me her phone number, but I picked up a few of her digits.
Secret Stash
My parents are both atheists and they tried to raise me without any religion. But then one day I found a bible in our house. It was hidden under my dad’s porno mags.
Got Milk?
At a Target store in Connecticut, a man verbally accosted a woman for breast feeding in public. It turned out the guy had a history of lactose intolerance.
It’s a Pattern
My self-confidence is always at its peak in the summer months. I’m sure I’d be an ego-maniac if I didn’t have to keep putting suntan lotion on my bald spot.
Sweet Deal
The owner of Hostess Brands has purchased the Playboy Mansion. Hugh Hefner is thrilled, knowing that after he dies the house will still be filled with Ding Dongs and Ho Hos.
Picture Perfect
I cheer every time an animal attacks someone trying to record them with their iphone.
Momma’s Boy
This Mother’s Day I thanked my mom for giving birth to me, even though I initially tried to talk her out of it.
Call a Plumber
Target stores have announced that transgender people are welcome to use the restroom of their choice. That being said, one store manager has asked that whoever keeps flushing tampons down the urinal to please stop it.
Free Parking
The National Park Service is waiving all entrance fees for one whole week. They feel that every American, no matter what income bracket, deserves the chance to be eaten by a bear.