All posts by JCR

Nut Case

A dead squirrel found in Lake Tahoe, California, has tested positive for the plague, authorities said. This is bad news for vacationing swimmers, but good news for acorns.

Drill of the Hunt

The Minnesota dentist who killed Cecil the Lion broke his silence today. Despite causing an international outrage, he still hoped the Zimbabwe government would let him keep the head as a trophy – but all they gave him was a little plaque.

Fall Yogi

Last night in Yoga class the woman on the mat next to me farted. I could tell she was embarrassed so I did her a solid and shouted, “Sorry folks!” She was so appreciative of my little diversion she had me say it 7 more times.

A Thousand Words

A body language expert reported that Beyoncé may have a crush on Lebron James – concluding this after studying photos of the two interacting. She then continued with a second theory – that Nicki Minaj might just be in dire need of a restroom.

Toy Story

Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner is suing Hasbro for more than $5 million over a toy hamster that shares her name. Her legal team is ready to take on the toy store giant as soon as Mrs. Faulkner gets down off her treadmill.

 

Confidence Man

I have a tendency to be very self-critical. I think it all started when I lost that scholarship for being such a stupid idiot who will never find happiness because everyone is better than me and it’s all my fault. Yeah, I’m working on it.