It is no longer certain that Marco Rubio or Jeb Bush will secure the presidential primary in their home state. Republicans are now leaning toward Everglades resident and “Grassroots” candidate, the Florida Skunk Ape. He’s tougher on gator crime.
All posts by JCR
Keepin’ Out of Mischief Now
Minnesota dentist and Cecil-the-lion killer Walter Palmer is back in the news, this time for an illegal deer hunt on his own property. It seems as if Dr. Palmer went to the George Zimmerman/O.J. Simpson school of “How to Lay Low.”
An Inconvenient Truth
Bon Jovi and Elton John will be headlining a 24-hour concert to raise climate change awareness. Because of our growing dependency on Spotify and Pandora, the entire music industry could soon be underwater.
Benched
Today I reported for jury duty but was dismissed almost immediately. I didn’t even get to tell them about my most recent UFO sighting, or my thoughts on 9/11.
Sketch Artist
Donald Trump hosted Saturday Night Live last night. Although he gave the show a much-needed ratings boost, I thought he was funnier in the last 3 Republican debates.
Someone’s in Here
Gaining momentum this week is the national debate regarding which bathroom transgender students are allowed to use at schools. I personally don’t care which one they go in, as I have always spent my most private moments in the janitor’s closet.
Four on the Floor
NBC’s The Voice judges Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton announced that they are officially dating. However, Adam Levine and Pharrell Williams are still only friends with benefits.
Mild or Spicy
Chipotle Mexican Grill is now linked to 35 confirmed cases of E. coli, which causes vomiting and diarrhea. It’s all a part of their latest marketing campaign, as they strive to create a more “authentic” Central American dining experience.
Back to Work
Former Bridgeport, Conn. mayor Joseph Ganim is running for re-election after serving 7 years in prison on a corruption conviction. He hopes to reclaim his old job, stating that at the time of his dismissal there was still more money to steal and people to screw.
It’s Kind of Unusual
Singer Tom Jones announced that he will undergo a DNA test to find out if he has black ancestry. He said he finally got curious after years of being pulled over by police for no reason whatsoever.